I am a firm believer that there is not a single path for anything.

I was once told there are two perspectives and one truth in every argument. There’s one side, from their perspective on a situation. There is another side, from their perspective, too. The truth lies in the middle, between those perspectives and what really happened.

I was a young teenager when I heard that statement, and I took it as fact. Logically, it makes sense. No individual tends to see things outside their filter of emotions, experiences, and intentions. The cold, hard fact lies without that filter.

A single statement, “Those pants are too tight,” can cause the recipient to believe they’re being told they look fat. The sender thought the material might rip. In the middle is the intention, “The jeans don’t fit right, and a size up might help with that issue.”

The receiver filtered through self-consciousness. The sender didn’t clearly state their intention. In the middle? You find the truth of the statement.

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I work hard to listen beyond my emotional filter. I also work hard to reflect on especially irritating things and consider the reason behind that irritation.

ChatGPT reflected my psychiatrist recently with an organic reflection on my Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) traits that I internalize.

I argued tooth and nail recently that I follow a ton of OCD traits. There is a distinct difference, which flows toward OCPD instead of straight OCD.

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My brain analyzes my life in systems.

What process will create the smoothest transition between tasks?

If a step doesn’t fit smoothly in a process I’ve created, I will insert it into a different, related process.

When my processes become disrupted? Tons of internal rage and cussing.

However, through my empathy and wish to be kind to others, I sit with those feelings. They irritate me to no end. I don’t say anything unless the preferences of others directly affect my well-being.

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I taught myself to accept that I can have a space I control. Communal situations are going to exist in a multi-family home.

My space is the corner of my bedroom, where my office resides. I will get really irritated if my boyfriend comes to bed while I work. It is not a private space, and I have always needed a private space. However, I accept this is a shared room with him and talk myself down.

When we clean and reorganize our space? I become the most irritable bleep that you can imagine.

I don’t like my things touched. I know where they are at, I want them left there. Disruption, especially by someone else, makes me feel enraged.

I talk myself back from the ledge, though. I remind myself that I love the person touching my things. I remind myself that it is often necessary.

I let go of the internal rage once the task is complete, reorganizing my space the way I want.

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Our roommate has similar traits, except he doesn’t show consideration for the multi-family dynamic. It is his way or passive aggression until he gets his way.

I recognize those controlling traits in myself. The big difference is that I guide myself through empathy to recognize when I am being unreasonable.

He doesn’t see his actions as unreasonable. He just believes he is right.

The dynamic is unbalanced as everyone tries to appease him. I lack control over a private space of my own. This causes contention.

He is allowed to demand how all public spaces should be arranged. He will place anything that he doesn’t like in the space of others. Despite this, he clutters these same spaces with his things.

There is no arrangement anywhere that is not of his doing. His form of arrangement disrupts my belief of how things should be arranged. It also triggers this deep need for fair balance that my brain craves.

His reaction resembles what is seen in traditional OCPD, as described to me. I’m not saying he is but it resembles my internal rage that I balance using empathy and mindfulness.

Furthermore, it bothers me that he doesn’t balance those traits in the same way.

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Am I trying to create a list of diagnoses? No. However, I want a greater understanding of myself. This will help me work on the traits I deem less attractive within myself.

I believe more in compassion. The “my way is the only way” mentality I withhold still causes me stress, but mindfulness helps.