From brain fog to desaturation, here’s what it’s like to survive a body that keeps breaking.

I might have had a few appointments last week. I discussed a lot of this for Mindful Business Monday over at Stitched Business Solutions, but I’ll try to summarize the context of everything.

📌 Learn More. You can see the full context on the post titled, “Resilience in Real Time: From Wiped Out to Dean’s List.” Click the title to read more about my week of flares and medical dramatics.

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In Addition… Adding New Diagnoses To The Growing List.

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I went to see a vein specialist because I had signs of venous insufficiency. I wear shoes full time just to stop the top of my feet from turning into a balloon from the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade. I knew I needed a custom size and figured a specialist could help.

He actually looked at me and told me, “There are three things I see immediately.” Then he asked me to explain what I have been dealing with.

I regaled him with stories of “genetically ugly knees,” periodic water retention, water pills that didn’t work, and elevated feet that don’t deflate. After I was done, he told me what he saw:

1. Lipedema: A type of “diseased” fat that cannot be burned through traditional means. It is more dense and does not just “go away.” It forms around the lower half of women in the knees, legs, hips, butt, stomach, and arms. Genetic.
2. Lymphedema: This is when your lymphatic system malfunctions. It is the retention of lymphatic fluid that would normally be processed to the kidneys for release. It often occurs after cancer treatment or medical procedures in a specific region. It is also genetic, often linked to lipedema.
3. Venous Insufficiency: This happens when the above two have been going on long enough to affect the blood flow back up your legs. It is a co-morbidity, essentially.

🔍More Information. I recommend looking at the page for Lipedema on Wikipedia. It goes into more detail and explains how it connects with the other two issues overall.

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Suffocation Via Sleep: Sleep Study Analyzed.

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I had my sleep study Thursday night. I had to go a week without using my CPAP for accurate results. Just the act of lying down caused my O2 to drop to 85%. I was put on oxygen before I could even try sleeping.

When I woke up at the end of the study, I had dropped down to 79% while on oxygen. I ended up receiving 5L at some point before she could wean me back to 1L while I slept.

I was told that I only had 2 apnea events.

So, the desaturation of oxygen seems to have more to do with other things than sleep apnea. It took me two years to have a study that was effective in reaching all the sleep points they needed.

My response? So, this is why I fall asleep on the toilet when I wake up to pee.

Yeah, so. Not good, really. I’m waiting for the reading from the study and the follow-up to explain what happens next.

My tech told me she would be shocked if I came out of this without a prescription for oxygen at home.

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Doing The Death Roll, Gator Style.

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Someone once said that my car was doing the “death roll” when it had a bunch of stuff go wrong at once. I’d just fix one thing for another to fail.

This is exactly what it feels like for me right now.

As my body flips, a diagnosis gets added or a symptom presents, and I feel lost. I feel alone, sad, tired, and in pain. Since May, we discovered:

• Venous Insufficiency
• Advanced Degenerative Disc Disease with a Dextroconvex Curve pinching nerves
• Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension (Diagnosed then redacted, waiting on second opinion)
• Lipedema
• Lymphedema
• Hypoxia (known previously, but much worse than believed)

Then, if you look up the symptoms, you will see why I am so overwhelmed. I’m living with:

• Sensory Overload
• Brain Fog
• Extreme Fatigue
• Dizziness
• Vision Changes
• Chronic Pain

That list is much longer in reality, but it glances over just one day of my life. The intensity varies, though.

Being overwhelmed is causing a lot of depression and anxiety. It is hard to maintain when I am holding all of this on my shoulders. Trying to get through a single day can feel like the sole task. Anything else might cause me to break.

I’m feeling a lot. I hurt a lot. I never know how to explain what I am living with to others. All I ever muster is, “I’m not well.”

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I Am Still Grateful For Educational Successes, though!

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Through a rollercoaster ride last week, I was informed that I made the Dean’s List at University of Phoenix (UOPx). Making the Dean’s List while riding this wave of medical garbage is amazing to me. My health has declined over 2 years, significantly.

The last 2 months have felt like a disaster.

Yet, here I am, celebrating educational success. Proof that I can endure, it just takes patience and a little help when I need it most.

I’m proud of this achievement, plus my 3.6 GPA. I’ve been working hard despite opposition from my health.

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Let’s Do The Chronic Pain Congo using my words.

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I wrote a poem this weekend that reflected my emotions. I’ve been handling a lot, and I am tired. Poetry is an expression that allows me to just be. For your reading pleasure:

My spine pops;
            With a sound that resembles snapping sticks.
A groan of pain,
            an unintentional sidestep,
            off balance,
            stabilizing my weakened stance,
            and a frustrated sigh.
Life shouldn’t be so difficult.
Life shouldn’t cause so much pain.
Blackened vision upon movement;
            Progressive sightlessness with each forward bend.
My neck has the auditory range of a haunted house.
My auditory system cries.

I do not wish to dismiss the struggles of others.
I do not wish to dismiss the struggles of friends.
Simply put,
            I wish for you to hear me…
When I say that I can no longer stand.
When I can no longer bend.
When I can no longer give.
Yet, I’m yelling into a cavern;
            My voice echoes along the walls.
Everyone pretends I have no voice;
            They assume all is fine.

Why would I quit doing things,
            especially when they help you?
I’m supposed to bend over backwards,
            break my poor back,
            and make sure your needs are met,
            even if it means I cannot meet mine.
Understand me when I say I am done.
You can fix your problems,
            because I am too busy surviving mine.

♡ This is an affiliate link, a no-cost-to-you feature that helps pay my bills ♡
🛍️Write Your Own Poetry, Too! You can find guided poetry workbooks for easy download on Etsy. PrestonPrintable offers The Art of Poetry writing pack for a reasonable price. Or search for your own alternative from other sellers! Either way, I hope you’ll share your work if you choose to join me by creating your own word art.

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I Draw The Line At Art.

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Haha, I am punny, right?

When my hands were more stable, before this mild shake that I have, I doodled. I love line art. I love using words as art, too.

Yes, I am someone who found joy in Zen doodles as well.

Last week, I decided life was too heavy and picked up the pen again. It isn’t perfect or pretty, but it was relaxing. It is mine.

♡ This is an affiliate link, a no-cost-to-you feature that helps pay my bills ♡
🛍️Etsy Line Art Feature. I wanted to take a moment to feature a piece by myartshapedworld2. It is a physical art piece that is up for sale with the quote, “The Wound is the Place Where the Light Enters – Rumi.” If you love art, I hope you take a moment to support your fellow artists. Thank you!

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Don’t Forget, I’m On Socials Too!

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You can now find me posting about my health, physical and mental, on social media. I talk about all the life things, use humor, or simply decompress. Check me out on:

• Threads
• Instagram
• Facebook

I thought it would be nice to connect with people when I am well. I won’t be perfect at maintaining a presence. I know me. However, I will share and interact when I can.

I contribute the most time to Threads because it is quick and easy to update, look around, and leave. It takes less of a toll on my energy reserves.

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One Last Thing…

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Thank you for stopping by today. Life is feeling really intense, and I’m just trying to get through everything. I’m so sad. I’m tired, too. However, I’ve been using my mental health skills.

Are you struggling too? Share some of your burden with me in the comments. Let’s support each other.

If my post resonates with your journey or someone you know, please take a moment to like and share this post with others. It helps me bring in more people and allow others to feel seen, too.

Life is hard enough alone. So, don’t walk it alone.

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