Unlocking The Cage: Embracing Freedom in Everyday Moments

So, I did this funny thing where I left the house, ate at my favorite Chinese buffet, and even picked up a coffee from Biggby!

I didn’t create hand-drawn art today; I created written art.

And it felt amazing!

I was able to write out another emotional regulation skill post for archiving on Sketchual Healing, which was awesome enough. I hadn’t felt well, nor motivated.

Today, that changed. So, I leaned into it!

While still feeling froggy, I decided to answer today’s writing prompt. It felt good to create something formatted, thought-provoking, and intentional.

The best part was that it served no purpose at all. That is rare for me when I create anything.

A moment of sheer bliss reminded me that I am not trapped.

This beautiful thing happened last month, where the federal government recognized my many disabilities and decided to allow me to receive the SSDI that I paid into during my employment history.

I am not rich by any means. But I can afford to get in my car and go grab some lunch for no reason!

There is one restaurant you’ll always find me visiting. It is our local Chinese buffet. I have a long history with this restaurant, built friendships, and my daughter is represented there.

There are photos of her over the years on their display board next to all the photos of their friends & family.

I started visiting when I was a teenager, eating with my mom.

I ate there throughout my pregnancy.

My lovely friend, the owner, often greeted us & called herself Aubree’s Asian Grandma―fully approved by her Granny, my mom.

My daughter is 21 now, to give you some context. The history here is long & my affection is deep.

So, I ate the food and bought a coffee on my way home!

On a whim, I hopped in my car and drove down the road to my favorite place. A place full of memories and love.

I even saw my lovely friend briefly! It is always a pleasure to see her when I am there. She’s given me Asian pears off her tree in the past. Just know, they are delicious!

Before pulling out of my spot to go home, I had a second urge. One that I do not indulge very often.

An urge to buy some coffee!

I should note that caffeine is not my friend. I get my coffee half decaf for this reason. I do like a little caffeine, but I know where my limits lie.

I even make my coffee half decaf at home. Or fully! I love coffee, but my PSVT doesn’t play well with caffeine.

Not exactly trying to trigger an event or heart failure today!

I simply lived in the moment. I enjoyed some things that made me smile. I took a moment where I wasn’t plagued by emotional and physical health issues, and turned it into a whole experience for myself.

Someone should ban me from ordering things online, though!

I just need to get a few things, I said. Only a couple of important items, like hypoallergenic laundry detergent.

Do you think that is where the order stopped?

The answer is: No, it is not.

Your girl bought some things to help with bathing as a disabled woman, hypoallergenic shampoo, the previously mentioned detergent, oh, and just a new travel coffee cup & Stanley water bottle.

Why did I think I needed the cups? Well, mostly I am sick of how small my existing ones are. I’m also at a loss as to where their lids are.

They travel no more.

As for the Stanley? Honestly? It was a want that comes with a lifetime warranty.

I’m tired of dealing with damaged cups that never hold up through travel. I also wanted something that could hold some serious fluid ounces.

Forty sounded appropriate.

For a woman who never leaves home unless it is a doctor’s appointment? Maybe not.

Well, in my defense, my appointments are usually 30 or more minutes from home.

I have thyroid issues, and my mouth is often really dry. Water is a mainstay in my life.

Okay, okay. It was still a whim. A want. So sue me.

This followed an early morning psychiatrist appointment.

I have quarterly follow-up appointments to make sure my medications remain balanced. I see a man at my local hospital, and I have been going to him for around 6 years.

He is quite kind and pleasant, honestly. I enjoy our check-in appointments quite a bit. He has a good heart.

I was recently diagnosed with PMDD, and I shared my little piece of joy over the lack of an emotional break premenstruation.

If you know, you know.

It is my first month taking a hormonal birth control to manage my hormonal fluctuations. He explained that human biology can change over time, and my sensitivity to hormonal fluctuations is no different.

I told him I always had mood shifts around that time, but it intensified after my thyroid volunteered to work part-time only.

He told me it makes perfect sense that, between the two, an already sensitive system would get more intense when small changes happen.

Hormonal birth control is the gold standard for managing the disorder.

Nothing needed to be changed because, with the addition of hormones to my system, my depression went back to its baseline.

That means the medication is working like it should.

That is my long-winded explanation of why today is a great day to have a great day.

Yes, I pulled out my favorite mantra.

I allowed myself to live for a moment and appreciate things a little more. It was easier to do so. I am grateful for what balance I have achieved.

I hope your day is beautiful & bright, too.