While I Sleep, The Demons Invade My Dreams.

There is nothing quite like living out your anxieties in your dreams…

Yet, here I am. It happens nearly every night. I started writing this around 4 am, until I suddenly felt sick & collapsed back in bed.

The long stream of bad dreams that woke me and prompted this post has been a mainstay in my life for nearly 14 years.

Despite processing & working through so many old emotional struggles, I sit here explaining that my brain didn’t care.

I am an exceptionally stubborn woman. My brain is the sole reason why. With that in mind, pun intended, it is likely why it plays out an old storyline using new actors.

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They love to say that the mind forgets, but the body keeps a tally.

It seems, in my experience, I am an elephant. I never forget. As a matter of fact, I believe my mind & body keep regular meetings.

They like to discuss every little negative lived experience and how they can put me on alert every night.

These dreams come on especially hard when I start to accept that I am living a different life, a healthier one.

They never forget. Even if I want to.

So, I sometimes find myself wide awake at 3 am.

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I hate my nightmares, but I love the peace that comes in the early morning hours.

On a rare occasion, when I’m too awake to fall back to sleep, I will climb out of bed and appreciate the night sky. If you’ve ever listened to the sounds & watched the sky transform over minutes, hours? Well, you likely know.

It’s so beautiful!

Ambient nature sounds sneak through a bit, too. I love hearing the grass rustle. I love hearing night-loving animals go about their lives.

Peaceful.

After some time, I’m able to climb back into bed to finish sleeping.

I am a mindfulness fanatic. I’m really good at reflecting. The problem is knowing when to stop.

I assure you, the night hours are definitely the best time to lean into that skill.

My mind and body keep tally, but those moments allow me to relax once again. There is a reason why they’re called nightmares. They don’t rule my life, so they have to sneak in somewhere.

Have a beautiful day, everyone! May you find a mindful moment of your own.